Quick Update and Tune in to Oprah on Wed!

I have so much to update you all on. Here is the quick and dirty:

1) My hernia/pain in my stomach - I'm glad to report that the pain has subsided. I was dreading spending the next year in pain, but I was willing to do it if it meant that I would be blasting myself with chemo and ridding myself of cancer. Fortunately, I don't have to dread it any longer. Hallelujah.

2) I've gone through a couple more rounds of chemo - they weren't fun, but I didn't vomit. Trust me - that's huge. I did experience other side effects that weren't pleasant, but that's chemo. It's not supposed to be a walk in the park. Fortunately, I don't have to go back until November 30 (my oncologist is giving me Thanksgiving week off). I'm looking forward to feeling better every day until then.

3) Penguin Caps - For those of you who saw Good Morning America, you should have seen my picture in my penguin cap scroll across the bottom of the screen a couple of times during the 9+ minute segment. It was a heck of a story and now TV stations throughout Canada and the US are doing additional stories on the cold caps. Life has gotten pretty wild for the company and we are talking about rapid expansion opportunities in the US. The owner and founder will be coming out to the States in December and I'm gearing up for his visit.

4) John of God - I just found out that John of God is going to be on Oprah on Wednesday, November 17. If you're interested in learning more about him (as you may recall, I traveled to Brazil last summer to see if he could help heal me), please tune in.

5) Another birthday - I am so excited that on Saturday, I will be celebrating another birthday. Each birthday is so precious now. While others may dread birthdays, I am so looking forward to old age. Birthdays can't come fast enough for me.

Finally, I have one last story. About a week ago I was pretty upset with Ariel. As I was about to raise my voice, she looked at me and said "Mommy - you need to have peace. It is important that you have peace and laughter in your life. That's how you will be healthy. If you have madness and sadness it won't help you get better. You need peace and laughter." She stopped me in my tracks. She was right. It's amazing the wisdom that can come out of such a young child.

Watch Good Morning America - Thursday (Oct. 28) 8:00-8:30 am!

We have learned that the Penguin Cold Caps will be on ABC's Good Morning America at some point between 8:00 and 8:30 am on Thursday (it's either today or tomorrow based on when you're reading this blog). Make sure to watch! I plan to see the action before I head to San Francisco for chemo fun (wish I was going to the Giants game instead).

In honor of the occasion, my ever-talented friend, Shana, wrote a limerick that I'd like to share:

There is a fine husband named Pat
Who helps with his wife's Penguin hat.

He's as skilled as they come.
One, two, three and he's done.
And he does it while taking a nap.

One last thing - please don't forget to send me that prayer tomorrow to get me through chemo!

Good Morning America – Tune in this Thursday Morning!

I have exciting news. Penguin Cold Cap Therapy is going to be featured on Good Morning America on Thursday morning. I have been very involved in helping the founder of the company, Frank Fronda, work with ABC on the story. They are planning to air a 4 minute segment on the cold caps. We are very excited that this will create the buzz that’s needed to ensure that folks who are facing chemotherapy-induced hair loss throughout the US will now know of the opportunity to save their hair. I have been on chemo for 6 weeks and I have not seen any hair loss – if anything, my hair seems to be getting even bigger since I’m not straightening it anymore!

In other news – I may now have a hernia. I don’t know how many of you have ever had a hernia – but it really really hurts. Every time I laugh, cough, sneeze or exert myself, a searing pain rips through my stomach right next to my stoma. When I spoke with my colorectal surgeon’s office today, they said that this is not uncommon for people sporting an ileostomy. Unfortunately, I can’t have surgery until I have completed a year of chemo – so this may make this year even longer and more painful. Oh well. It’s almost amusing to me that I am facing yet another hurdle. I would laugh – if it wouldn’t cause extreme pain!

I should know more soon about whether I have a hernia or if there is something else going on. But – in the meantime – I’m going to focus on taking my picture tonight and getting it to the producer at ABC so she can include me in Thursday’s clip!

I almost forgot to mention that on Thursday, please send your prayers and positive thoughts my way once again – since it’s chemo day. I need all of your great energy to get me through that very long day.

Hurray for Anti-Nausea Meds!

Hallelujah for anti-nausea meds! We finally got the formula right. I made it through Thursday without leaning over a toilet. What’s amazing is my new perception of a good day.

We continued the march of the penguin caps as well, with multiple people helping throughout the day. It is quite the labor intensive process to ensure that the caps drop down to -31 degrees Celsius and get changed within a 2 minute span. The ritual includes changing the cap every 30 minutes for about 7 hours. Let’s just say that it isn’t the best day between the chemo and the caps, but I’m thrilled to say that so far I haven’t lost any hair.

In honor of the penguin caps I'm going to throw in a quick ode from my talented friend Shana:

I may be stuck in this chemo chair,
But I've got Penguin Caps for my hair.
They're cold as ice and freeze my locks,
A follicular form of hair Botox.
So when I'm through with this chemo gig,
I won't be needin' no stinkin' wig.

I bounced back from this chemo treatment much more quickly than my previous two experiences. I feel like we are finally getting the side effects under control. I still have a low level of nausea, but now it just reminds me of being a little seasick at all times. Not great, but livable.

Yesterday, I felt well enough to go to watch the girls play soccer. They were so thrilled that I was there and able to participate. I caught them watching me constantly to make sure that I was paying attention. I know that they worry about me. How I wish that I could take away that worry and replace it only with worries about missing a goal on the soccer field. I work hard to appear as normal as possible to the girls.

But that is my job. I’m the mom and I have to be strong for them. They will survive. I will survive. It won’t be easy, but together, we are determined to see this through.

Writing As Therapy

The last three weeks have been a series of highs and lows. After getting through that first rough weekend, I steadily became stronger and stronger. Two weekends ago, I was blessed with a wonderful gift from a phenomenal friend – an opportunity to go to an amazing place called Esalen in beautiful Big Sur (I felt that this experience deserved lots of adjectives). Apparently, Esalen was the birthplace of the self-actualization movement. I took an inspirational course with several girlfriends entitled “Writing from the Heart.” I never realized how therapeutic writing could be. Perhaps it’s because I’ve been primarily writing for my work and really have not written just for the sake of writing. Even this blog has been created primarily to keep everyone apprised of my health so that you all don’t worry about me – or at least know what’s going on so you can worry appropriately about me!

Interestingly, I recently heard about a study that was conducted surrounding writing. Apparently, two separate groups with the same medical diagnosis were given two separate writing assignments. The first group was to write about what inspired them, where they hoped to be in five years, things that brought them joy etc. The second group was to write about what made them angry, their fears… (you get the picture). What I found fascinating were the results. After three months, the second group was significantly healthier than the first because they were able to release their frustrations by writing them down. So – for the rest of this blog I’m going to disregard my goal of being positive and just rant…

So I had a really rotten chemo experience on September 30th. For the first time, I had significant nausea which led to a really awful afternoon and evening. The next day was also not great. Fortunately, the weekend wasn’t as rough and I slowly returned to my normal, energetic self. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that this Thursday (my next chemo day) won’t be as terrible since we are going to try a different regimen for side effects.

Now, as I write this, I feel great. That’s what’s so darn strange about this whole thing. I look normal, I feel normal, but I know that I’m fighting a very strong disease internally. It’s hard to remain focused on all of the healing things that I’m supposed to be doing (I still have not mastered incorporating meditation into my life) when I feel like my old self. That’s my greatest challenge right now – remaining focused on my most important goal – ridding my body of cancer, when I just want to put it out of my mind and go back to my old life.

But Thursday will soon be here and my body will be poisoned yet again to remind me of what’s going on inside. In the meantime, I’m going to hit a yoga class, go walking with friends, take my supplements, meet with my Buddhist healer and acupuncturist and try once again to do that darn meditation thing….although I have no idea when I’ll find the time…

Chemo (Take 3) Begins

When I started writing this blog entry on Friday, I had written that it was my best chemo experience yet. Even with the ridiculous (and really cold!) penguin caps, I still was happy (relatively speaking) with how Thursday played out and how I was feeling on Friday. Then came a really really tough weekend. But after some minor adjustments, I’m feeling ok once again. (So – if you’re in a hurry – that’s the quick version of what I’m about to write out – so you can go about your day and know you haven’t missed anything.)

On Thursday, Pat and I headed across the Bay Bridge for my first chemo appointment with Dr. Smith. Elizabeth (the woman who had handed me her penguin caps the day before), met us at my appointment so that she could show Pat and our friend Linda (who also came to the appointment) how to properly put on the caps and to walk through the exact timing with us. Not only did Elizabeth work with us to make sure that we had the system down – she actually stayed for my entire 3 hour chemo appointment to help us. Once again, I was blessed with an incredible person who came forward to help me along my journey. It never ceases to amaze me the amount of kindness that is out there.

Speaking of kind human beings – it was recently brought to my attention that I rarely mention my husband in this blog. That was not on purpose. Pat, my husband, has been the most unbelievable partner throughout this incredibly challenging (hellacious) experience. He has been there for 99% of my doctor appointments, my chemo treatments, my anxious calls throughout the day, my late night worries and has been a rock not only for me, but for our children, our parents and our friends. I cannot overemphasize how incredible he has been. I don’t know what I would have done without him.

Now – back to Thursday… Dr. Smith actually put in the IV himself to deliver the chemo and sat with me until I was comfortable. He then checked in on me regularly to see how I was doing. While he gave me many a funny look about the penguin caps – he couldn’t dismiss their effectiveness when I had my new friend Elizabeth with me sporting a full head of hair 2 days after her breast cancer chemo.

After the fun dosage of Irinotecan and Avastin and with a healthy dose of anti-nausea meds, I headed home to rest (and continue changing penguin caps for the next 4 hours). I actually felt very well and that feeling of wellness and energy continued throughout the next day.

Unfortunately, that feeling did not last. I began taking Xeloda on Friday night and immediately began to have trouble. I spent most of the weekend in bed. I spoke with Dr. Smith on Sunday and he cut back my dosage. On Monday afternoon, I was beginning to feel much better and as I write this, I’m feeling almost 100%.

I have also returned to work. It’s good to be back. I actually have times throughout the day that I forget that I’m battling cancer. It’s nice to have those little breaks. This is a tough time, both physically and mentally. I am so grateful for my family, friends and people who I don’t know who I hear have me on their prayer lists.

My dear friend asked me the other day if I had the chance if I would switch my life (both the good and the bad) for someone else’s life (not knowing who that someone else may be), would I do so? While my first instinct was to say “yes” because this has been such a scary and difficult time, I realized that in fact, my answer is “no.” I am blessed in so many many ways.

Round 3 - Here I Come!

So tomorrow’s the big day. The start of round 3. I really was hoping that I’d never be saying those words. But life continues to throw me a curveball, and I’ll continue to do everything I can to hit it out of the ballpark.

When I asked Dr. Smith what I should be doing to prepare for tomorrow’s chemo, he told me to get exercise and hydrate myself. So tonight I went to the gym and I’m drinking large amounts of water and tea. Tomorrow morning I will plan to work out some more before heading to Smith Integrative Oncology to get the fabulous cocktail that will kill my cancer.

The last 24 hours have been filled with another cancer related effort – trying to figure out how to save my hair. Yesterday, when I was speaking with Dr. Smith’s nutritionist, I jokingly asked her if there was anything that I could eat that would prevent hair loss. She then told me that she had heard of people using the Penguin Cold Cap system. The theory is that the cold cap freezes the hair follicles which prevents the chemo from being absorbed. I looked into it last night, and since the company was located in England, I left a message on their machine asking if there was any possibility of obtaining the Penguin caps by Thursday.

I received a call at 7 am from the President of the company saying that he wanted to help me. Although I wasn’t giving them enough time to ship me the caps, he told me that he’d try to find someone locally who would lend them to me. Amazingly enough, within an hour, he was calling me back to let me know that there was a woman in San Francisco who just finished her chemo yesterday and was more than happy to pass them off to me. So – I went to her home, she gave me all of her supplies and demonstrated how to attach the caps to my head (there will be 14 of them and I’ll be changing them every 30 minutes). She then offered to meet me at my chemo appointment tomorrow to make sure that I have the system down and to teach Pat the best way to put on the cap. The people that I have met on this journey continue to amaze me with their incredible generosity.

But – the most phenomenal thing was that she was a breast cancer patient and had a full head of hair! I spoke with several other breast cancer penguin cap users today that had the same story. They all had most, if not all, of their hair after they finished chemo.

So tomorrow – with the first of many caps on my head – I’ll be heading to chemo. I may look funny – but heck – I have hope that I’ll have a full head of hair when I’m done with this.

At 11:30 am I’ll be starting chemo. Please send me your prayers and positive thoughts. My body is strong and I’m feeling energized. This time I’m going to win. I just know it.