Many people have congratulated me for being done with my chemo. I don’t want to downplay the significance of this milestone, but I’m far from being done. I am still experiencing the side effects from chemo including neuropathy in my fingers, extremely dry feet and fatigue. Fortunately, I am feeling stronger every day and the side effects are fading.
Perhaps the psychological recovery has been the toughest. There are stories everywhere—in the news, at my office and in my social circles—about people dying from cancer. It reminds me of when I was trying to get pregnant and all of the sudden there were pregnant women everywhere! I have to constantly remind myself that each cancer patient is unique and that I don’t know what their medical situation was, what their treatment entailed and how they approached their healing (i.e. acupuncture etc.) I have to be vigilant in keeping my eye on the prize – getting through the next several years cancer free.
This summer has been an amazing experience for me. I’ve had the opportunity to rest, connect on an even greater level with my daughters, and visit with friends and family. In some ways, I’m very lucky. I’ve had the opportunity to evaluate what’s important. I was moving so fast and furious before colon cancer that I never stopped to question how or why I was doing what I was doing.
I had big plans for my disability leave. There was so much that I wanted to accomplish. People thought that I'd be bored not working, but it’s amazing how quickly the hours fill up. My plans included:
- I was going to become a yoga queen, but I’ve still only gone to one yoga class.
- I was going to learn how to meditate, but only went once to a Buddhist meditation center.
- I was going to learn how to cook, but have only perfected mac and cheese.
My list goes on and on. But, that’s the beauty of life, as long as we’re still above the earth, we still have the ability to work on that “to do” list.
As for next steps for me – next Wednesday I’ll be heading back down to Stanford for blood work and a CT scan. The following week I’ll be meeting with Dr. Fisher. If they do not detect cancer in my body, then my next meeting with him will not be for another 6 months! Please send positive energy, prayers and anything else you’ve got my way next week. I am ready for this chapter of my life to end.
