Chava Raphaela

Today I changed my name to Chava Raphaela (I thought I was going to keep the Rivka, but apparently that was dropped). A huge thank you to all of my wonderful friends who came to witness this very meaningful step in my healing process. I am confident that I will not have any potential evil fate that was destined for Chava Rivka. The guy next to me at the pulpit also reminded me that if there were any winning lottery tickets slated for Chava Rivka, I would be out of luck. I told him it was worth the trade…

So – from now on, when you say prayers for me, please make them for either Eve Raphaela or Chava (basically means “Eve” in Hebrew) Raphaela. I want to make sure that all of those wonderful healing prayers come to me!

This afternoon my dear friend Brent came over and removed my staples (it’s good to have a doctor friend who will make house calls). I am healing quickly from my surgery and plan to complete my recovery by January 1st (heck – it’s an aggressive goal – but I feel up to the challenge).

Prior to the diagnosis, our family planned to travel to Lake Isabella (near Bakersfield) to spend the upcoming week with my sister and her family. Apparently, there’s a small ski area (perfect for kids) and lots of snow fun to be had. We were going to cancel that trip due to my surgery (we weren’t so sure that a 5-6 hour car ride would be all that much fun). However, since I am healing well and we have renewed our desire to make the most out of every day, we have decided to make the trek down there. I will plan to rest down there while the kids enjoy playing with their cousins. Still dreading that car ride, but I’ll get through it!

Thank you again for all of your prayers, positive thoughts and love. I can’t express how much that has meant to me and my family. I wish you and yours a wonderful end of 2009 and a happy and healthy 2010.

Tricking the Angel of Death

Prior to my going into surgery, one of my Jewish colleagues came to me to ask me if I had considered changing my Hebrew name. When I asked what he was referring to, he informed me that when Jews are faced with severe medical issues like I was, there were 3 things that can be done:

1) Pray
2) Give to Charity
3) Change/Augment Your Hebrew Name

So, I’ve been fairly good at numbers 1 & 2 (although I continue to work on those), but I had never heard about the name change/augmentation. Apparently, this tradition is based in the belief that if you change your name, then the angel of death or the spirits who have determined your bad fate will be confused and will not bring this bad fate to the person who is ill. So I’ve decided to trick the spirits and add to my Hebrew Name.

I have spoken with our Rabbi at Temple Beth Abraham and we have arranged for me to be called to the Torah under my new Hebrew name this Thursday, December 24th. The Rabbi has asked me to be at our synagogue no later than 8:30 am, since the Torah service lasts from 8-9 am. I want to invite anyone who wants to come to do so and bear witness to my new name. The synagogue is located at 327 Macarthur Blvd in Oakland. You should arrive between 8 :15 and 8:30 am.

If you were wondering, my new Hebrew name will be Chava Raphaela Rivka. The "Raphaela" is the name that I’m adding. Its derivative is the word rafuah which means healing. Raphael is the Angel of Healing and my new name basically means “God heals.” I think that’s exactly the message that I want to send to the universe – since I am planning to heal - quickly.

As a quick update on me, Stanford released me yesterday to go home and so I now am being taken care of by some amazing 6 year old nurses (plus my mom and husband – but they really can’t compare to the love being showered upon me by the girls). Ellie created a call system for me so that I don’t have to yell – it’s composed of a frying pan and a large kitchen spoon. When I tested it out this morning I heard both girls bounding up the stairs yelling “Ellie and Ari to the rescue!”

On January 12th, I will be meeting with Dr. Fisher to go over his recommendation for my chemo protocol. I spoke with him on Friday and it doesn’t sound like Round 2 will be as tough as Round 1. However, I told him, let’s do whatever we need to do to ensure that I won’t be seeing a Round 3.

I want to thank Wendy Spander, Jill Lindenbaum and Stacia Levenfeld for working on getting a food program up and running and for keeping you all abreast on my progress. I understand there were a few technical difficulties with the food plan. Wendy told me that the best way to navigate the system is for you to send her an e-mail at wspander@yahoo.com and then she’ll go ahead and “invite” you for the mealbaby program which will give you access to the site.

Thank you all for your beautiful notes, e-mail messages and phone calls. I am so blessed to have such an amazing support system. I will write more soon about the last few days, but I wanted to send a quick e-mail out right away to let you know about Thursday’s ceremony. I hope to see you there.

News on Chemo & Opportunities to Deliver Dinner

Eve got out of bed today to stretch her legs and is hoping to get around even more tomorrow. She hopes to be out of the hospital and home by Monday.

We learned today that she will begin another course of chemo in approximately 6 weeks. The chemo will be given every three weeks for a couple of months, beginning in early February.

During her surgery this week, a port was inserted into her abdomen. This will allow the chemo to reach the targeted areas without going through her entire bloodstream. This, in turn, allows the doctors to use a stronger dose of the medication.

Jill and Wendy are organizing meals for Eve and her family. If you would like to sign up to bring over a hot meal, please email Wendy Spander at WSpander@ea.com.

Eve's doing well after surgery

Eve came through today's surgery very well and she’s in good spirits tonight.

The tumor was colon cancer in her ovary, so they proceeded with the complete hysterectomy. Two other small growths were identified on her pelvic wall and those were also removed. A port was placed in her abdomen to be used for her next round of chemo, which will begin after she has healed from this surgery.

Eve is expected to leave the hospital as early as Sunday. She is at Stanford Hospital in room F336.

A team is arranging meals for Eve and her family beginning this weekend. Our next blog post will include a link to sign up for the meal deliveries. If you would like to deliver a meal this weekend or next week, please email jlindenbaum@comcast.net.

Don't Cry For Me, Eve's Blog Readers

I am so very blessed. I have so many wonderful, amazing, dedicated friends. Over the last several days, I have been overwhelmed with all of the love and well wishes of so many of you. It has meant so much to me to know how much you care.

… but, c’mon people, stop all the crying! It’s enough to get a girl depressed!

Yep, I said it – some of you are getting downright depressed about my cancer.

I know this is sad, awful news, and your tears have been out of love, but let’s all stop the crying.

No, really, I mean it –
We’ve got to start beating this thing, people!

Please don’t take this as any kind of criticism. I just need your strength around me right now.

When I told you all to ”send positive thoughts” in my previous blog, I meant it.

Here’s how we’re going to help beat this cancer together: knowing that we can beat it, embracing life, our families and our friends with zest and a positive outlook everyday, being here for each other, and never letting self-doubts, self-pity, or self-consciousness get in the way of being supportive of those you love.

So, I just want to say – everyone’s sentiments so far have been wonderful outpourings of love and affection, and I have appreciated them all. But from here on out, it’s all Johnson & Johnson: No More Tears!

We are going to fight my cancer.

We are going to beat my cancer.

Then we are going to work together to find a cure harder than ever before.

The only way we can do all this is by keeping focused on the positives in life – and we can do it together.

I’m ready to go to battle to get this out of my body. Stand with me, share your strength and courage. There is NO DOUBT in my mind that I will be victorious.

Some Sad News

How do I begin? Where do I begin? It’s back. It’s really back. I’m stunned and devastated. How could this happen? It’s not even two years.

The long and short of it is, I woke up the Friday morning after Thanksgiving with severe stomach pain and having trouble breathing. As I was in Palm Desert, I really didn't want to make a big fuss. I waited for 6 hours for the sensation to wear off – hoping that it was just gas in my stomach, only it wasn’t going away. I became seriously concerned that I was having a heart attack.

I finally got to the ER. When I arrived, I had flashbacks to my ER experience in Iowa which made breathing all that more difficult.

The hospital immediately gave me 2 EKGs to make sure I wasn’t having a heart attack and then did CT scans to make sure that I didn’t have a blood clot in my lung. Fortunately, they didn’t see any problems in my chest area. However, something was seen on my CT scan that they weren’t expecting – a 10 cm mass in my pelvic region.

I knew that I had a cyst in my pelvis from the last CT scan in June. So, although the doctors seemed very concerned about this mass, I was sure it was just a large complex ovarian cyst. Women get ovarian cysts all the time. This was just a big one. I was sure it was nothing to be concerned about.

On Tuesday, I went down to see Dr. Fisher to show him the CT scan from Eisenhower Hospital. His face clearly told me that he believed that it wasn’t just a cyst. His eyes were distressed as he told me that I needed to come back on Friday to meet with an ob/gyn oncologist. His diagnosis was that this was one of 3 things: 1) it was a huge complex ovarian cyst 2) it was ovarian cancer or 3) it was a recurrence of my colon cancer.

So Friday, I headed down to Stanford to meet with the ob/gyn oncologist-surgeon. She didn’t mince words – it was cancer. She and Dr. Fisher had met and they believed that they had not gotten all of the colon cancer the first time. They strongly believe that the tumor is colon cancer contained in my ovary. Therefore, the most prudent approach is to remove everything and blast the hell out of the area with chemo.

Oh my God. I keep asking myself "What did I do to deserve this? Why am I possibly going to be taken away from my precious girls?" I vascillate between anger and sadness.

So – I have to fight. Again. This time I don’t feel as strong. I’m so damn scared. I was so sure that I was done.

On December 17th I will be going to Stanford Hospital and putting my life in the hands of Dr. Husein. I’ve got to believe that she will save me. I will be getting a full hysterectomy and she will be putting a port directly into my abdomen for chemo. I will remain in the hospital for 4-6 days and then will come home to recover. They will determine during my surgery whether it’s ovarian cancer or colon cancer and then we’ll determine what type of chemo I’ll begin in January. Fortunately, we arranged the surgery so that I could participate in most of the nights of Chanukah and so that I could go to the girls’ holiday recitals and parties.

I will get through this again. It is my duty to be there for my children and damn it, I’m going to be there.

So – I thought that I was done with this blog. That my cancer story had ended. That the only reason that I was going to use the blog was to fundraise for colon cancer research. I was seriously considering never writing on this again. It had such a nice ending. But it’s not over. I’m going back to my battle.

I need you all to be there for me once again. Please please pray for (or send positive thoughts to) me and my family. And send an extra little prayer upstairs on December 17th. I so want Dr. Husein to confirm that the cancer is contained in my ovary and that she’ll get it all out.

And, the most important thing that you can do today is to spend a little extra time hugging your loved ones. Life is so precious.