Cancer Camp

Today, Pat and I joined the ranks of parents who sadly say good-bye to their children as they head off to sleep-over summer camp (I know that some parents aren’t so sad to send their kids off….but since we haven’t hit teenage years yet, we were actually sad.)  This is a very special summer camp – it’s called Camp Kesem and it is a camp designed for children who have a parent who is currently battling or has fought cancer.  It is located in the mountains near Santa Cruz and is supposed to be spectacular.  It is largely supported by LIVESTRONG and is a weeklong camp that is free for the children.

Interestingly enough, when we were trying to figure out our summer plans, I had tried to convince the girls that they should go to Girl Scouts overnight camp or a Jewish overnight camp, but they had absolutely no interest in going.  But one day, Pat took the girls to the Davis Farmers’ Market where there happened to be a camp fair going on.  When Ellie & Ariel met the kids  (UC Davis students) running Camp Kesem and heard about the camp – they were extremely excited and called me immediately to beg to go.  I was nervous about sending them – since I realized that there was the distinct possibility that some of the other campers were dealing with very sick parents or perhaps even had a parent who had died of cancer.  How would the girls react to this?  Would it cause them even more fear?

But then I realized that perhaps they really needed this….that they needed to be around other kids who have walked in their shoes…that they needed counselors who were prepared to talk about things that perhaps they didn’t feel comfortable talking about with us.  And so I said yes….

Today when we arrived to drop them off at the bus, the counselors couldn’t have been more lovely – they were energized and oh-so-kind to the kids.  This camp has a 1 to 2 counselor to camper ratio and each of the counselors is very special (you have to be a very special person to want to work at a camp like this).

As we were standing around, I noticed that one of the campers in the same group as my girls was showing pictures of her family to a counselor.  My first reaction was “oy – I completely didn’t think to pack any pictures” but after I got over my “bad mother” feeling – I peeked over the girl’s shoulder to see the family pictures.  As she was flipping through the photos, one of them took my breath away – it was a photo of a tombstone.  It hit me - this photo was this little girl’s picture of her parent.   I then became angry – why did this precious child have to face this tragedy?   What the hell is going on with this terrible disease?  Why can’t we stop it?  I vowed that I would do everything imaginable, no matter how difficult, so that my little girls would not have to bring that same picture with them.

Although it has been several hours since I saw that picture, I am still reeling.   But now it’s time to pop my chemo pills (we’ve upped my dose, which has been rough) and life goes on.   And – it all comes back to hope.  I’ve got to shake off the fear and replace it with hope.

Speaking of hope – Prop 29 ballots are still being counted.  As of yesterday afternoon, we were 16,778 votes behind with 425,000 left to count….  Please send all of your positive energy and prayers to California.  We may win yet!