I Want to Be Old

Over the last few years I’ve noticed an interesting reversal of how I see elderly people. I’m jealous of them. While others covet youth, I covet old age.  When I see an elderly person, I say a little prayer that someday I, too, will be old. I can hardly wait for each birthday.  While I love having young girls, I want to see them grow up – I want to suffer through teenage years. I want to be there for the boy trouble, the skin problems and the teenage girl drama.

So – this week, I’ll head back down to Stanford for an MRI and PET/CT scan. They are having trouble pinpointing my tumor using a regular CT scan and they need to know where it is in order to radiate it. I want them to figure it out – fast. I am in extreme pain every day and I can’t wait to begin the radiation.

They also don’t want to radiate the tumor quickly. Because the tumor is about 3-5 cm up from my rear, they have to be very careful. They don’t want to burn a hole through anything down there. I’m not going to describe what can happen when a hole is created – but it’s not pretty.

Going slow means that I will be going to Stanford daily for 2-4 weeks (depending on what they see this week with the tests) for radiation. I hope to begin on July 14. Fortunately, we’re doing this while the legislature is on recess. I’ve had to cancel a couple of vacation plans, but that’s ok. I’m just glad that no one is talking about excising body parts at this point or kicking me off of the PDL-1 study.

When I was complaining about the amount of time that the radiation was going to take, my radiation oncologist, Dr. Albert Koong, looked at me and said, “Eve – I want to go slow so that you don’t have problems 10 years down the line.” While I wasn’t crazy about the amount of time that it will take for the treatment -  it was like music to my ears to hear him use the phrase “10 years down the line.”

We’re hopeful that the radiation coupled with the PDL-1 will jump start my immune system once again. Our fingers and toes are crossed that this will be the magic that we’ve been waiting for. I so want to rid my body of disease.

I’m looking forward to getting old. I’m looking forward to everything that comes with getting old. Because then I will have lived long enough to have raised my girls – which is, by far, my most important goal.

Bring on the birthdays!