Because That's Who You Are

Yesterday, as I was flying down the slopes in Tahoe, on my new ACL, (as you may recall, due to a ski injury last Spring, I had to replace my ACL) I was in tears because I realized how fortunate I was to be skiing 7 years following my cancer diagnosis.

Ellie looked at me and asked why I was teary. When I told her that it was just so amazing that I was doing so well, she looked at me and told me that she wasn’t one bit surprised. I asked her why she wasn’t surprised. Her response? “That’s who you are, mom.” Wow – I wish I had her confidence in my body.

Tomorrow I head into 10 days of radiation. They will be aiming at a tumor that is on my bladder. We are doing this protocol over 10 days for 2 reasons: 1) my tumor is in a spot surrounded by bowel and they don’t want to injure the bowel and 2) they don’t want to shrink the tumor on my bladder too quickly or it could create a hole that would enable urine to leak into my peritoneum. So – we’re going to do this slow and steady.

The hope is that the radiation will also jumpstart my immune system to go after the tumors that aren’t being hit directly by the radiation. I pray that their theory works. I also pray that this treatment isn’t too difficult, since I’m planning to work straight through this. I have arranged my schedule to enable me to go back and forth between Stanford and Sacramento with the maximum amount of time in my office. I just hope that my body weathers this protocol as well as it did the 3 day radiation treatment last February.   

I’m nervous. I so want this to work. I’ve decided I’m going to put my mind to thinking like Ellie. It’s going to work. There’s no question. It’s going to work.

And – for those of you who are curious about my wonderful Holbrook – he’s now home resting and recovering. Hallelujah.