Another Grueling Task

Yesterday, Pat and I did something that we’ve been meaning to do for the past 5 years - create our wills, our family trust and our advance health care directives. You would think that I would have been more on top of this, particularly since I spent the last 10 months fighting a deadly disease. But, while this task was on my “To Do” list, we never seemed to make the time to get it done.

I don’t have much of an excuse for the previous 4 ½ years – except that there seemed to be so many immediate issues that overtook us, and the likelihood of death at our age seemed remote. Then, over the past 10 months, when death became more of an imminent possibility, rather than rush to finish our wills, I avoided the task – perhaps because the possibility that it would be used much sooner was too overwhelming to me.

Creating these documents was not an simple task. Determining who will raise our children, who will decide whether to take us off of life support, how we wish for our bodies to be utilized after death, who will execute our will and trust, who will make decisions for us if we are incapacitated – these are not easy decisions.

Now, a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. Above all else, over the past 10 months, I’ve learned that we can’t take our health for granted. Life can change in an instant. I feel confident that when my time comes, be it within the next few years or many decades from now, I have ensured that my daughters will be ok.

I have used this blog before to urge everyone to get a colonoscopy and donate funds to cancer research and now I am going to use it to encourage action once again. If you haven’t done so already, I strongly urge you to create these critical documents for yourself and your family. It’s just too important to wait.

A Worthy Cause

Next week, I will be celebrating the Jewish New Year, Rosh Hashanah. It is during this time of celebration that Jews throughout the world reflect on how they will promote the practice of tikkun olam (repairing the world) in the upcoming year.

Thanks to my dear friend and next door neighbor Liz (the same gal who wrote the “Fun” with Eve blog entry a few months ago), I have the opportunity to get started with my "repairing the world" efforts early. Liz has been actively involved in raising funds for breast cancer research.

This is another cancer that is particularly poignant for me since my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer several years ago. She was fortunate in that they were able to remove her cancer and not subject her to chemotherapy.

This year to honor women in Liz’s life who have had to battle breast cancer and to raise more money, Liz has written an essay called Answering the Call that is included in a new anthology called Knowing Pains: Women on Love, Sex and Work in our 40’s. This project has been pulled together by her friend and fellow leadership specialist Molly Rosen in support of Breast Cancer Awareness Month – October. All proceeds from the sale of the book benefit Breast Cancer Action (www.bcaction.org <http://www.bcaction.org/> ). They hope to raise over $50,000 from the sale of the book – THIS YEAR!

Here is your chance to honor someone you love who has been affected by breast cancer AND be entertained with a collection of real-life, tell-it-like-it-is stories from women in their 40’s. I would be so grateful if you would consider:

1. Ordering their book at www.amazon.com <http://www.amazon.com/> or your local book seller. Order many copies and give them to everyone on your holiday gift list. They also make great hostess gifts!

2. Passing this information on to others you know. Encourage your friends and families to buy the book and help end breast cancer!

3. Come to a reading. Locally, they will be at Montclair’s Great Good Place for Books on Sept 26th at 7pm. Other locations around the country are listed on the site www.knowingpains.com <http://www.knowingpains.com/> .

I'm so proud of my friend and neighbor Liz for her role in this amazing book. Once again, I feel so blessed to be surrounded by truly phenomenal people.

Identity Crisis

When I arrived back at work three weeks ago, my role at the Port had changed a bit. Now I report to the Executive Director - an exciting new career opportunity which has made coming back to work a bit easier!

Being back at work, things are starting to become normal again and I’m getting back in my routine. You’d think that’s a good thing, but for some reason it feels odd.

So much of my identity this year has been tied to having cancer. For the past 9 months I’ve been the "cancer girl." I was immersed in the treatment, the recovery and the full mind-body approach to fighting. It truly became a huge part of my identity. I was so open about having cancer, that it was a part of almost every conversation that I was engaged in.

It is hard to remember what I talked about before I had cancer. I know that I am a big talker, so I must have had something to say, but it eludes me. Fortunately, the elections have provided me with some conversation options, but it is time for me to reengage fully not only in my work, but also in the world around me.

I am not going to give up my proud status as a cancer survivor. But cancer no longer defines who I am. I realize that it will take some time to discover the new me, but in the meantime it is a awkward balancing act - one that changes every day in new and challenging ways.

I Had The Port Removed!

On Tuesday, I went to Stanford Hospital to remove the port from my chest. Even though I had the option to leave it in (just in case), I decided that since I was not going to be dealing with cancer again, that I should remove the port. I felt that psychologically I needed to remove it to demonstrate to myself—and the world—that I was done with cancer.

Although the actual procedure isn’t a long one, Stacia and I spent the majority of the day at the hospital. Between the prep work and multiple discussions about what I was about to do, it was a very long day.

Since Tuesday, my chest has been extremely sore, but fortunately, the pain has been slowly diminishing. It’s hard to believe that the chemo part of my recovery plan is officially over. Now – on to that post-cancer action plan…

In Remission

Yesterday, Pat and I had a phenomenal meeting with Dr. Fisher where he confirmed that the CT scan showed no sign of cancer. He said that I am now heading into the most difficult time for a cancer patient – the time without a medical plan of action. He told me that while you’re fighting the cancer, you have a specified program and you just work through the program. But once a patient becomes “cancer-free” – then what?

My biggest fear is recurrence. As Dr. Fisher pointed out during our meeting, people have the best shot at beating cancer the first time you get it. If you are unfortunate enough to get a recurrence, it's a harder task to get rid of the cancer. As you all know, I am not one to just simply sit back and hope that the cancer doesn’t return. I have to have a plan.

Dr. Fisher explained that there is a recent study that shows that lifestyle is linked to non-recurrence of cancer. There are four lifestyle factors that they have proven impact fending off cancer: exercise, having a lean body, a low fat diet and taking a daily dose of aspirin. I now have my action plan:

• Acupuncture—which I will continue on a regular basis
• Herbal Program—I'm meeting on Thursday with my herbalist who will map out a go-forward herbal and dietary program
• Low-fat Diet
• Exercise
• Aspirin

As for where I’m headed medically—I will have blood work done every six months and will get a colonoscopy and CT scan on a yearly basis. Dr. Fisher believes that with a regular colonoscopy, they will be able to spot polyps early and remove them before they turn into cancer. Furthermore, they will be utilizing the CT scan to ensure that the colon cancer does not spread to other parts of my body.

I have also had genetic testing which showed no genetic propensity (at least that they could detect) toward other forms of cancer. Basically, this means that I have the same chance as everyone else of getting other cancers, such as breast or lung cancer, so I just have to do the regular testing.

Dr. Fisher said that I now have to get used to the new, cancer-free me! He said that he felt very positive about my likelihood of being cured. He was very pleased with how I weathered the past 8 months and felt that my future was very promising. When I make it to 5 years, my likelihood of cure goes up to 90-95% and when I make it to 10 years, there’s a 99% chance that the cancer will not return.

So – make sure to pencil in on your calendar to attend the blowout event that I’ll be hosting in 2018!

All Clear!

I just got off the phone with my oncologist’s right hand, Margreet, and I am thrilled to announce that the CT scan that I took on Wednesday showed no evidence of cancer! I am stunned, elated and overwhelmed. I didn’t realize how on-edge I was about this until I received the news. I had to explain to my daughters what “tears of joy” were, as they were very concerned because mommy was crying.

I will be meeting with my oncologist to discuss next steps. First on my list is to remove the port from my chest…

I’m off to celebrate!

The Chemo's Not Yet Over

Many people have congratulated me for being done with my chemo. I don’t want to downplay the significance of this milestone, but I’m far from being done. I am still experiencing the side effects from chemo including neuropathy in my fingers, extremely dry feet and fatigue. Fortunately, I am feeling stronger every day and the side effects are fading.

Perhaps the psychological recovery has been the toughest. There are stories everywhere—in the news, at my office and in my social circles—about people dying from cancer. It reminds me of when I was trying to get pregnant and all of the sudden there were pregnant women everywhere! I have to constantly remind myself that each cancer patient is unique and that I don’t know what their medical situation was, what their treatment entailed and how they approached their healing (i.e. acupuncture etc.) I have to be vigilant in keeping my eye on the prize – getting through the next several years cancer free.

This summer has been an amazing experience for me. I’ve had the opportunity to rest, connect on an even greater level with my daughters, and visit with friends and family. In some ways, I’m very lucky. I’ve had the opportunity to evaluate what’s important. I was moving so fast and furious before colon cancer that I never stopped to question how or why I was doing what I was doing.

I had big plans for my disability leave. There was so much that I wanted to accomplish. People thought that I'd be bored not working, but it’s amazing how quickly the hours fill up. My plans included:

- I was going to become a yoga queen, but I’ve still only gone to one yoga class.
- I was going to learn how to meditate, but only went once to a Buddhist meditation center.
- I was going to learn how to cook, but have only perfected mac and cheese.

My list goes on and on. But, that’s the beauty of life, as long as we’re still above the earth, we still have the ability to work on that “to do” list.

As for next steps for me – next Wednesday I’ll be heading back down to Stanford for blood work and a CT scan. The following week I’ll be meeting with Dr. Fisher. If they do not detect cancer in my body, then my next meeting with him will not be for another 6 months! Please send positive energy, prayers and anything else you’ve got my way next week. I am ready for this chapter of my life to end.