Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Identity Crisis

When I arrived back at work three weeks ago, my role at the Port had changed a bit. Now I report to the Executive Director - an exciting new career opportunity which has made coming back to work a bit easier!

Being back at work, things are starting to become normal again and I’m getting back in my routine. You’d think that’s a good thing, but for some reason it feels odd.

So much of my identity this year has been tied to having cancer. For the past 9 months I’ve been the "cancer girl." I was immersed in the treatment, the recovery and the full mind-body approach to fighting. It truly became a huge part of my identity. I was so open about having cancer, that it was a part of almost every conversation that I was engaged in.

It is hard to remember what I talked about before I had cancer. I know that I am a big talker, so I must have had something to say, but it eludes me. Fortunately, the elections have provided me with some conversation options, but it is time for me to reengage fully not only in my work, but also in the world around me.

I am not going to give up my proud status as a cancer survivor. But cancer no longer defines who I am. I realize that it will take some time to discover the new me, but in the meantime it is a awkward balancing act - one that changes every day in new and challenging ways.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Eve, I'm so happy you wrote about this. You are so much more of a person than just the cancer. Now you can view your life more holistically, enjoy your children without thinking about the fact that you have only brief periods of health between chemo sessions, and approach each situation not as a cancer patient, but as a cancer survivor! Brava!