Over the past several years, many people have asked me how aware the girls are of what’s going on. Have we told them I have cancer? Have we told them how serious this disease is?
Since the very beginning we have been very open with the girls about the fact that I have cancer. Anyone who knows me knows that I don’t have a very good poker face. And – it’s pretty difficult to hide things when you’re having constant surgeries, rounds of chemo and people are coming over to visit regularly.
But, we have never talked about the possibility that I won’t be around for the long haul. Of course, I can’t control what the girls hear outside of the home, so I have often wondered what they have heard and what they think.
Which brings me to last week. When I was told by my San Francisco oncologist about the jump in my numbers, I was distraught. The girls witnessed my pain and sorrow about hearing the news. I knew that I should probably have hidden my distress, but I was just too caught up in my sadness to be thinking clearly.
Later that night, when I was snuggled up close to Ariel putting her to bed, she looked at me and simply said, “Mom, if you are in spirit when I have kids, will you come back through my child? I want to be with you always.”
This took the wind out of me. What a profound concept for an 8-year old little girl. I promised her that I would, but that I was planning to be with her in person when she had her children.
I guess that they do know what it is I’m up against.
Tomorrow morning, Pat and I will be meeting with Dr. Fisher to talk about the results from my scan and to determine next steps. All I know, is that I’ll keep fighting to meet my grandchildren.
1 comment:
Eve, reading this just now took my breath away. What depth in an eight year old; what depth in anyone. I am and continue to send you my prayers, my good thoughts, my hopes and also my gratitude. You are a beautiful inspiration for what matters in life.
Post a Comment