Sunday, December 6, 2009

Some Sad News

How do I begin? Where do I begin? It’s back. It’s really back. I’m stunned and devastated. How could this happen? It’s not even two years.

The long and short of it is, I woke up the Friday morning after Thanksgiving with severe stomach pain and having trouble breathing. As I was in Palm Desert, I really didn't want to make a big fuss. I waited for 6 hours for the sensation to wear off – hoping that it was just gas in my stomach, only it wasn’t going away. I became seriously concerned that I was having a heart attack.

I finally got to the ER. When I arrived, I had flashbacks to my ER experience in Iowa which made breathing all that more difficult.

The hospital immediately gave me 2 EKGs to make sure I wasn’t having a heart attack and then did CT scans to make sure that I didn’t have a blood clot in my lung. Fortunately, they didn’t see any problems in my chest area. However, something was seen on my CT scan that they weren’t expecting – a 10 cm mass in my pelvic region.

I knew that I had a cyst in my pelvis from the last CT scan in June. So, although the doctors seemed very concerned about this mass, I was sure it was just a large complex ovarian cyst. Women get ovarian cysts all the time. This was just a big one. I was sure it was nothing to be concerned about.

On Tuesday, I went down to see Dr. Fisher to show him the CT scan from Eisenhower Hospital. His face clearly told me that he believed that it wasn’t just a cyst. His eyes were distressed as he told me that I needed to come back on Friday to meet with an ob/gyn oncologist. His diagnosis was that this was one of 3 things: 1) it was a huge complex ovarian cyst 2) it was ovarian cancer or 3) it was a recurrence of my colon cancer.

So Friday, I headed down to Stanford to meet with the ob/gyn oncologist-surgeon. She didn’t mince words – it was cancer. She and Dr. Fisher had met and they believed that they had not gotten all of the colon cancer the first time. They strongly believe that the tumor is colon cancer contained in my ovary. Therefore, the most prudent approach is to remove everything and blast the hell out of the area with chemo.

Oh my God. I keep asking myself "What did I do to deserve this? Why am I possibly going to be taken away from my precious girls?" I vascillate between anger and sadness.

So – I have to fight. Again. This time I don’t feel as strong. I’m so damn scared. I was so sure that I was done.

On December 17th I will be going to Stanford Hospital and putting my life in the hands of Dr. Husein. I’ve got to believe that she will save me. I will be getting a full hysterectomy and she will be putting a port directly into my abdomen for chemo. I will remain in the hospital for 4-6 days and then will come home to recover. They will determine during my surgery whether it’s ovarian cancer or colon cancer and then we’ll determine what type of chemo I’ll begin in January. Fortunately, we arranged the surgery so that I could participate in most of the nights of Chanukah and so that I could go to the girls’ holiday recitals and parties.

I will get through this again. It is my duty to be there for my children and damn it, I’m going to be there.

So – I thought that I was done with this blog. That my cancer story had ended. That the only reason that I was going to use the blog was to fundraise for colon cancer research. I was seriously considering never writing on this again. It had such a nice ending. But it’s not over. I’m going back to my battle.

I need you all to be there for me once again. Please please pray for (or send positive thoughts to) me and my family. And send an extra little prayer upstairs on December 17th. I so want Dr. Husein to confirm that the cancer is contained in my ovary and that she’ll get it all out.

And, the most important thing that you can do today is to spend a little extra time hugging your loved ones. Life is so precious.

5 comments:

Shannon said...

Eve, since we were children I have admired you. There is no good reason in the world for you to have to go through so much! No one deserves to have cancer. But you are strong and you always have been. Hold on to what you know and who you are. You are a grand person, a mother, a friend, an incredible woman in every respect. We don´t get to see each other much, so my list is short. No doubt others can add to the list of your greatness. I will hope for you and ask my family to pray for you. Please hold on to hope and don´t let fear get a tight hold on you. No matter what happens you will find the best way to do it. I send you all my love and hope, Shannon Shea

Mary Kay Eddy said...

Hello Eve, I am so sorry to hear that the cancer has returned. You are such a warrior, I know you will win this battle too. You are such an amazing person and I know you have much more to accomplish on this earth. I still think you will be President some day! I will pray for your successful surgery, the wisdom of your doctors, and strength for your family. You are much loved! Mary Kay Eddy

Bird said...

Evie, you are an amazing woman who will be their for her two beautiful children for a very long time. I truly believe this. It sucks big time that you have to go through with this again, but I know you will again be victorious in this battle. Will Pat be sending out an update on the 17th?
All my best thoughts and prayers are headed your way, especially on that day. Love you lots. Carolyn

Unknown said...

Girl! We are with you and will be kicking this suckers butt!!

We love you and will be right next to you fighting. You are not alone. And if you can beat it back the first time, round two... here we come.

Love, Miguel and Alex

Emi said...

Eve, I am sending you positive thoughts and energy to you and your family. Even though this is a suck-y situation, I find you incredibly inspiring. I love your courage to express your anger, frustration, and the gusto that you have. Much love, Emi